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Newsletter: December 19th, 2006

In this issue of the Christian Marriage
Secrets Newsletter...

- A Note From The Editors, Robert & Susan Irwin
- This Week’s Christian Marriage Quote
- This Week’s Sexual Relationship Tip
- This Week’s Christian Marriage Secrets Article
- This Week’s Recommended Resource
- Who are Robert & Susan Irwin?
- Removal Instructions
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The Christian Marriage Secrets Newsletter:

By Relationship Coaches & Christian Authors:

Robert & Susan Irwin

Newsletter Archive:
http://www.christian-sex.net/newsletter/index.html

Recommended Marriage Resources:
http://www.christian-sex.net/resources/index.html

Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband:
http://www.christian-sex.net/husband/index.html

Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife:
http://www.christian-sex.net/wife/index.html

When Your Husband Is Never In The Mood:
http://www.christian-sex.net/mood/index.html

Christian Sex Blog:
http://www.christian-sex.net/christian_sex_blog/wordpress/index.php

December 19th, 2006

This newsletter is sent to confirmed subscribers
only. If you want to change your e-mail address
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**********

This Weeks Christian Marriage Recommended
Resource:

"The Secrets Of Blissful Couples..."

ONLY 1% OF COUPLES CONSIDER THEIR MARRIAGE
"BLISSFUL"

Happily ever after isn't the reality for most
couples. In fact only 1 out of every 100 couples
state that their relationship is continually
blissful. 68% rate their relationship as "good"
and the rest rate it average or below.

Are the top 1% lucky or do they have some things
in common?

Michael Webb, well-known relationships expert has
interviewed and observed many of these "top 1%"
couples and he has found quite a few similarities
in couples who indeed married "happily ever
after."

The couples had common practices when it came to
handling hot issues like in-laws, holidays,
premarital sex and household chores.

Webb has written about 50 of these traits in his
new book, 50 Secrets of Blissful Relationships.
If enough couples read this insightful book,
perhaps they next survey will be more positive.

Find Instant Sexy Letters Here:

http://www.christian-sex.net/blissful/index.html

**********

Robert & Susan’s News and Notes:

Don't forget to download your free Christmas
present:

Michael Webb's "Sexy Coupons." These coupons can
be a great way
to create a "spark" in your marriage.

You can find your FREE copy here:
 

http://www.christian-sex.net/subscriberbonus/index.html

Also, consider checking out our recommended
resource this week, Michael's "100 Secrets Of
Blissful Relationships."

Only 1% of couples describe themselves as
"blissful." This book will help you to become one
of that group!

Merry Christmas

Robert & Susan

**********

This Week’s Christian Marriage Secrets Quote:

"Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and
half-shut afterwards..."
~Benjamin Franklin

**********

This Week’s Sexual Relationship Tip:

"Mistletoe Underwear..."

No, I don't know where you can buy mistletoe
underwear. I'm not sure that it even exists. But,
the phrase made me chuckle...

Our lives, in general, are crazy busy. We all
have too much to do and too little time. The
holidays are even crazier. We are so busy making
sure that we are doing everything that needs to
be done that we might forget to take care of the
MOST important aspects of our lives-such as our
relationship.

I'm going to suggest that you don't forget to add
that ONE MORE thing to your "to do" list this
holiday season. Right now, determine that you are
going to figure out how to fit in AT LEAST one
private, romantic interlude with your spouse.

As I look back on my life, some of my greatest
memories are romantic interactions with Sue that
happened during the holidays. There is something
about the "end of the year," "holiday" times that
make romantic time and gestures special.

The holidays will come and go. The kids will have
their presents broken by January. But special
romantic memories that you and your spouse create
within the next few days will last forever!

Robert

**********

This week's Christian Marriage Relationship
Article:

"A Team Of Two..."

By Renée S. Sanford


When I feel my "team spirit" waning, I commit to
praying earnestly for my husband.

I slowed down in front of the green house with
the "For Sale" sign freshly planted in its front
yard. During the last six weeks, my husband,
David, and I had looked at dozens of houses to
find a new home. None seemed suitable for our
family of five. This particular house looked a
bit small for our needs, but I grabbed a flyer to
take home to David.
To this day David gives me credit for "finding"
our home. We never would have purchased the
house, however, without David's quick action. He
was on the phone when I got home, so I simply
handed him the flyer. He read it quickly,
finished his conversation, and immediately called
our real estate agent. Given our city's red-hot
real-estate market, David wanted to make sure we
were the first to bid on the house. Sure enough,
it turned out to be just right for us-bigger and
better than anything we'd seen so far.

Working together as a team, we bought our first
home. But every day in that same house for the
next 11 years, and now in our new home, David and
I continue to develop our teamwork in all areas
of our marriage. Through the years we've learned
being a team extends past a project, platitude,
or goal. Our teamwork is tailored to our unique
relationship-and keeps changing as the years go
by.

What Kind of Team Are You?
God calls a man and woman to live together in
marriage as one flesh, so teamwork seems a
natural by-product. But what does it mean to be a
team?

For couples who share similar tastes, gifts,
goals, and desires, teamwork can be as smooth as
pair's figure skating. However, some couples find
their partnership works more like a
track-and-field team. They're on the same team,
but their lives are individual events. Sometimes
a couple's marriage resembles a car-race tour.
The driver is the star of the show, but he or she
never would win any races without the crew chief
moving quickly at every pit stop.
Think about your interests and personalities.
What kind of team best represents your
relationship right now? Is it the best fit? What
would you like your marriage team to look like?

Remember, your marriage doesn't need to imitate
anyone else's. For instance, on a practical
level, I assumed David and I would form the same
kind of team my parents enjoyed. My mom and dad
bonded over the household projects they tackled
together every Saturday. Similarly, our friends
Paul and Wendy collected river rock, arranged
native plants around their hand-built waterfall,
and together converted their backyard into a
nature retreat.

In contrast, my husband tackles garden projects
only when necessary. I've accepted that basic
yard work will get done at our house-but it won't
be a bonding experience. However, we still can be
a team even if we aren't working on a project
together.

Develop Your Teamwork Style
David and I came into marriage knowing we're
fairly compatible. Besides our writing and
teaching gifts, we both enjoy children and like
to travel. But similarities alone don't produce
partnerships.
What does? A strong commitment to each other's
personal growth and a deep commitment to oneness
before God. Here are some strategies we've used
to help us function happily together.

1. Dream together. A recent national radio spot
suggested couples take one hour on their
anniversary each year to dream together.
According to this marriage expert, even one hour
increases marital longevity and happiness.
Dreaming together deepens the spirit of
partnership. Wherever the winds may blow you, you
remember you're on the same ship.

Be willing to encourage and follow each other's
dreams. Who knows where your spouse's next idea
could take you! It's taken us to the Amazon and
Andes on a seven-week missions trip, as well as
to Africa and Austria to visit beloved friends.
Most recently, dreaming together led us to adopt
our five-year-old daughter, Anna.
Dreaming together means dreaming for each other,
too. You and your husband may have individual
goals- pursuing a certain hobby, learning a new
skill, visiting a college friend far away. That's
when you strengthen your track-and-field team
style-helping each other train and cheering each
other on.

Thought stimulator: What's one thing you could do
to move toward a mutual goal? How could you
encourage your husband's dreams? What do you need
from him to pursue your dreams? Which items on
your spouse's "wish list" are most threatening to
you? Out of love for the other person, which may
you need to lay aside?

2. Agree in advance on any sacrifices. While
Paul and Wendy have a beautiful backyard, the
past ten years haven't been a bed of roses for
them! Together they decided Paul would go back to
school to earn his doctorate in psychology. But
to prevent resentment along the way, they each
outlined what sacrifices they would (and
wouldn't) make to realize Paul's goal.

Life's full of choices. Will you take that other
job? Will you work nights? How many sports or
clubs will your children be involved in? And will
you use that tax refund for new furniture or a
vacation? Choices impact both partners. Being a
team means making those choices with your partner
and with your mutual goals and desires in mind.
Likewise, when you say "yes" to one thing, you
say "no" to at least ten others. Being a team
means choosing the sacrifices together, too.
Thought stimulator: What are you be willing to
sacrifice to reach mutual goals? What sacrifices
are unacceptable? Are these sacrifices pleasing
to God?

3. Divide and conquer. Just because you have
similar gifts and callings doesn't mean teamwork
flows naturally. When we first married, David
said "yes" to teaching seminars or classes
"together." That translated into him coming up
with all the ideas and giving me an outline of
what I should say. I balked because it felt
artificial.

What's more, David didn't appreciate my "you
should have said" critiques of his presentations.
We've had to learn to work together on mutual
goals while still maintaining autonomy. David and
I now can teach a class together, but that
doesn't mean our teamwork on other fronts-home,
parenting, finances-always runs smoothly. Even
with frequent meetings to compare calendars, we
can be at odds about what gets done around the
house and how we'll spend our time.

Sure, many couples divide and conquer when it
comes to the daily "to do" of home and family.
Just remember, the how-to of making this work is
fluid, not fixed. Work out your own systems-and
then communicate often, clearly, and kindly. Not
every solution fits for every season or
situation. And don't rule out asking for help.

Amanda holds most of the cooking and cleaning
responsibilities in her and Brian's home, but
Brian's usually happy to help when she asks. She
says, "Sometimes I start grumbling about why he
never does anything-but it's because I don't ask!
I forget I have a cooperative teammate."
Thought stimulator: Which tasks or goals do you
prefer to work on by yourself? Which ones would
you like to pursue together? How could you divide
that responsibility to give each person
"authority" in specific areas, while still
accomplishing a mutual goal, whether physical,
spiritual, or otherwise?

4. Nurture your team spirit. So what happens
when "divide" means you feel stuck with all the
work? What about when "conquer" doesn't happen
because you're overwhelmed by other life
stresses? That's when the "spirit" of being a
team transcends the "work" in teamwork.
Sometimes, all I need is a reminder we're
teammates, not opponents. Ultimately, we both
want the same thing: to love God, to love each
other, to love our children, to grow as people,
to live in peace. Other times, when I feel my
"team spirit" waning, I commit to praying
earnestly for David. Asking God to bless and help
my husband realigns my heart with his-and with
God's.

Thought stimulator: What circumstances challenge
your team spirit the most? What concrete action
can you take to nurture your commitment and
cooperation? In prayer, ask God to give you a
spirit of oneness in your marriage.

Last year our family's needs meant it was time to
start looking for a new place to live. We already
agree on what we want in a house, but our
teamwork was challenged when I frequently brought
up the need for a move and David fervently
resisted it. He felt pushed, and I felt my needs
were ignored. Thankfully, coming back to each
other in humility restored our team spirit.

Occasional squabbles aside, David and I build our
marriage partnership as we heed God's calling: to
look to the interests of others, to consider
another as better than ourselves, and to lay down
our lives for our very best, lifelong friend-our
mate.

Copyright © 2006 Renee S. Sanford, Used with
permission.

**********

This Weeks Christian Marriage Recommended
Resource:

"The Secrets Of Blissful Couples..."

ONLY 1% OF COUPLES CONSIDER THEIR MARRIAGE
"BLISSFUL"

Happily ever after isn't the reality for most
couples. In fact only 1 out of every 100 couples
state that their relationship is continually
blissful. 68% rate their relationship as "good"
and the rest rate it average or below.

Are the top 1% lucky or do they have some things
in common?

Michael Webb, well-known relationships expert has
interviewed and observed many of these "top 1%"
couples and he has found quite a few similarities
in couples who indeed married "happily ever
after."

The couples had common practices when it came to
handling hot issues like in-laws, holidays,
premarital sex and household chores.

Webb has written about 50 of these traits in his
new book, 50 Secrets of Blissful Relationships.
If enough couples read this insightful book,
perhaps they next survey will be more positive.

Find Instant Sexy Letters Here:

http://www.christian-sex.net/blissful/index.html

**********

Who are Robert & Susan Irwin?

- Robert and Susan Irwin are
Nationally-recognized authors and speakers. They
have been asked to appear as Sexual Experts on
radio (The Danny Fontana Show [Inspiration
Network]), television (The Discovery Channel) and
has been published in many magazine (Men's
Health) and newspaper (The Pittsburgh Post
Gazette) articles.
- They are the proud parents of four amazing
children.
- He is the founder and Executive Director of
the Sexual Performance Institute.
- His E-Book, Sexual Skills For The Christian
Husband™ has been one of the world's
best-selling E-Books for over nine years.
- Thousands of men and women, across the globe,
have benefited from their counseling, seminars
and E-Books.

**********

You can find back issues of this newsletter at:

www.christian-sex.net/newsletter/index.html

Newsletter Archive:
http://www.christian-sex.net/newsletter/index.html

Recommended Marriage Resources:
http://www.christian-sex.net/resources/index.html

Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband:
http://www.christian-sex.net/husband/index.html

Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife:
http://www.christian-sex.net/wife/index.html

When Your Husband Is Never In The Mood:
http://www.christian-sex.net/mood/index.html

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Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband     Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife    Newsletter Archives   Recommended Resources  Christian Sex Blog